Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
