Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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