She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
