I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
