so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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