I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
