Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
