Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
