well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
