3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
