I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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