how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
