She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
