Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize