Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
