So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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