i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
