Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
