I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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