No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
