i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
