You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
