The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
