So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
