Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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