sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
