She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize