based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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