Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
