so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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