I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
we're so committed to being not committed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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