last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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