I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
