Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
