Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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