dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
