Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize