dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
