Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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