his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
