Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Your penis caused this!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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