I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
