I think my fart just growled at me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
