They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Who died my cat blue again?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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