I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
