Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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