Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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