So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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