I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
