Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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