Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize