I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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