Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
