i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
