Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
