I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
