Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
