then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize