when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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