I'm laying in your front yard are you home
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
