is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
