you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
