i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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