i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
