So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
