Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
