gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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