Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
