i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
