so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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