He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
