My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
