All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
