I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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