i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
