i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
