can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
