is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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