i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
