I am in a vortex of obligation.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Bring me that man meat
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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