Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
