I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He? As in you personified your dick?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize