My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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