Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
