How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
