You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
