in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
