I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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