the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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