He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
