you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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