If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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