I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
