paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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