Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
