Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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