I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
