so that wasnt chicken after all
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
