she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
