I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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