I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
