I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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