people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
